Sally Gerard

Black Widow spiders make my skin crawl. Buzzing rattles along a trail make my skin crawl. Walking through spider webs makes my skin crawl. Ticks make my skin crawl.

A near miss can make my skin crawl, like missing a step climbing down the grain bin ladder or a car swerving in front of me on an icy road.

Feeling threatened makes my skin crawl. Having violent things I’ve seen replay in my mind makes my skin crawl. Thinking about my evil stepmother’s red fingernails makes my skin crawl.

Mayonnaise makes my skin crawl. Creepy sounds make my skin crawl. That recurring dream I’ve had where I watch myself being shot makes my skin crawl. People who hate make my skin crawl.

Photo:theoldrobots.com

I had a Rock’em Sock’em Robots set, but it belonged to both me and my sister. I liked the blue one and Cathy always played the red one. I’m pretty sure we got it for Christmas one year, but I don’t remember whether it was from our daddy or Grandpa Piscak.

We played it a lot  in the basement. It was on the shelf down there in the sort of toy closet space. It lived on that shelf for so many years and I don’t really know when it was finally tossed out.

There were times when frustration had one or the other of us reaching over the boxing ring to trip the head of the other boxer so we could win the game if it was going on and on! This always elicited cries of foul play from the other robot’s controller.

Photo: etsy.com

This last Christmas, I was doing some shopping and saw that they are making this game again. It was on the shelf with other ‘retro’ games. A wave of nostalgia hit me and I took one of the boxes and put it in my cart. I wheeled around with my old friends while I did the rest of my shopping, and then returned them to the retro-shelf.

How in the world would I have explained bringing that home?!

I am like my father in that I don’t much care for conflict. I like everything to go along smoothly and for people to get along. It makes me very uncomfortable when tempers flare and things get said in the heat of moments. I hate it when I see someone hurting because of those heated moments. I know that anger comes from frustration and is almost always accompanied by the person being tired and stressed and there is just a breaking point.

I was listening to a commercial the other day on a local channel. It’s this big, happy guy who sits and just gives a positive message.

So something like: don’t give in to the negative around you. Instead, surround yourself with positive people and ideas and feelings.    And another one: Don’t let those around you tell you can’t. You can. You can do or be whatever you want and set your mind to. There will be mistakes and setbacks, but keep going. Be the you, you want to be.

It made me stop and listen, not only because the guy seemed so full of joy, but because it is a good message. It drives me crazy when people act like jerks or are rude, disrespectful, or just total Yahoo’s. I’m not always sure how to defuse a situation, but I try to stay positive. And I’ve done a lot of thinking about what I’ve shut off in my life because someone said something negative about it, even though it was something I loved and enjoyed. I’ll take a closer look and be sure to bring those things back into my life. It not only hurts us when we let go of things we love because of negative feedback, but it hurts those we’re closest too because we aren’t being who we are meant to be.

I miss my dad. He had a kind and gentle spirit and that will always be a part of me. He always cared about what I was doing and who I am. He loved all of us without condition and taught us to love each other. He was genuine.

Who says this one-way is too big for my Z?!

I have faith in love, truth, and family. Above all, I have faith in God. My heart, soul, mind, and body know that God can be counted on no matter what. When I see the stars in the heavens, and I try to fathom the beauty of the creator, I am speechless with no ability to express the depth of that kind of imagination.

When I think that same Creator God called me and you into being from the dust of those same stars, speaking our names, I cannot comprehend it. I have faith in God who built this Earth and gave life as a gift. I have faith that though I cannot see, I know I’m never alone, wrapped in the arms of my loving creator who is artist and architect of all that I love to look upon. 

I have faith in my God who helps me up out of the dirt, when I fall flat on my face. This God of mine who is, and was, and always will be. Faith is a choice. The Psalmist writes in Psalm 119, verse 30: I have chosen the way of faithfulness. Faith is defined in Hebrews 11:1:

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. 

Faith is stepping into new territory when it would be much easier to stay in your known world. Faith is reaching out to help when you see someone in need. Faith is signing up for that class even though you’ll have to go by yourself. Faith is starting off on a trail, not knowing what might be around the next bend, but trusting that the view at the top will be worth it.

I have faith, there is no doubt. But sometimes it gets lost way deep inside and I have work really hard to remember the strength that comes from my faith. Sometimes, I have ask God to carry the burden for me because it has become too much in the moment. And then, I find it again and wonder why in the world I was struggling so hard when it was there all the time. It’s so simple really and yet the most difficult thing in the world: take another step, write another word, utter a word of welcome or regret or acceptance, sing the first note, make that brush stroke, put the tractor in drive, send the text, mail the letter, ease out of the debt fifty dollars at-a-time. Make that first, tremulous, tiny move-that is faith.