The Country Girl Came 28 March 2016

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Attending the Colorado Writing Project(CWP) helped me to find my voice as a writer-teacher. Some of you will recognize the story I used as a mentor text.

The Country Girl Came

It was a few weeks into summer when the class started. She came down I-25 from Mead.She left when the coffee was gone and the cat was pawing the glass to get back in, but she left her out.DSCN0014 (1)

She had a forest green 4-runner that smelled like horses, and in it she had put her coffee mug, school bag, zip-container lunch and a cell phone, and down she came – from Mead.She left at six-fifteen in the morning when she thought traffic would be light, before either of her boys were up.

She drove all through construction zones where fines are double and into the plethora of cars and trucks, and while she drove she looked at the tall buildings and grumpy faces and she thought about the cat pawing the glass. She thought about Mead – but she thought about CWP, too. Waiting for her.

So she continued to roll down the highway and she sang with the cassette tape and she drove down all those miles until finally she pulled into the SARC of Cherry Creek for CWP.

Then it was agenda time. Talk about bagels and cream cheese! She looked all around the room at all the nervous, expectant faces, at the books – so many books, at the coffee – she drank coffee all morning.

Then it was time to read and so much writing and highlighting and note taking and knowledge. You’d have to get in a group and say at least three things – words, sentences, phrases. That Teacher!

And finally after much writing about writing, it was time for lunch. She needed to take a walk. She walked out the door and headed west. She wasn’t particular, which was good since she had no idea where to go. So, she put one foot in front of the other, when her phone buzzed in her pocket – her brother from Omaha, checking on his boy. “Fine,” she said.

“Are you jogging?” Her breathing was heavy.

“No, walking.” They said goodbye.

IMG_0446It was different when she looked up, no longer headed west. She walked and walked, searching for a way north. She thought that was where the SARC was. Time was running out. She came to a barbed-wire fence, looked around, and crawled through it. She promised to apologize to any critters if she came across them.

But she didn’t think about Mead. She was too busy crossing another barbed-wire fence and looking at a man with a hard hat on the other side of six feet of chain link. She was going to climb over it until she saw him.

She walked over some kind of mesh material and looked down into a big canal. On the east was a break in the chain link. She sidled along the rim and slipped through the break. Pavement. Progress. Through the parking lot, she came to an intersection.

Finally, after looking east and west for a long time, she pulled out the phone that ultimately caused her disorientation. “The number for Cherry Creek Administration, please.”

“I’ll connect you.”

“Hi, I’m taking a class at the SARC. I’m at Dawson Road and Briarwood. Which way do I go? …Yes, I took a walk at lunch. Look west? Yes, nutrition services, I see it. Oh, thank you so much.”

She stood there in front of the SARC, took a deep breath and went in, five minutes to spare. She wrote. She discussed. She was not lost here.

She watched the SARC disappear in the rear view mirror, and then she rolled onto the highway. The window was down, the tape played and she drove on.

She drove all through the construction zones where the fines are double and into the plethora of cars and trucks, and while she drove she looked at the tall buildings and grumpy faces and she thought about the cat pawing the glass at home in Mead.06 07summer and fall 043

But she thought about CWP, too. Missing the interaction. The writing.

And when she was finally home in Mead, she went in through the garage, set her coffee for the morning, greeted her boys, and let the cat in.

 

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Three years ago 24 March 2016

Cathy is the little girl in the front, right in the middle. Susan is keeping her in check!

Cathy is the little girl in the front, right in the middle. Susan is keeping her in check!

Dear Cathy,

Words do not come easily for a letter like this. Would that you were here because if you were, then that would mean that you came back from California. I sit here at the table by the window looking out on the trees struggling because of the drought, and yet like you did so many times, they continue to fight to live and to be all that they were meant to be. Like you, they nurture the many little birds that look for shade in the heat of the day; they grow the fruits and devote so much energy to those tiny bits of what will become food for others. I wish I could call you. Sometimes I still hit call on my cell phone after I bring up your number in my contacts, hoping by some miracle that you might answer. There isn’t even a message in your voice because you struggled so to speak after the strokes.

I want time to go backwards. I want the doctors to listen to you when you tell them that you’re having TIAs—you were a nurse and you knew. I want that evening back when you were sitting on the bottom step in the basement and I knew something was wrong, but you said you didn’t need any help and I left you alone. I left you alone so many times. I’m so sorry. I don’t know if I’d have called 911 that night, if the second stroke could have been prevented. You had come so far in recovery and now you had to start over. I know it was so hard for you to live with us, watching Jared and Alex living their lives with the gusto of their youth while you grappled to get your life back.

I know it felt like everyone faded away. I know you felt so alone. But I loved you as always and I wanted so much for you to be okay again, to be able to go back to nursing and living your life of travel and joy. You were always there for me, and I need you even now.

When you left for California, I was consumed with worry. I so thought you would call me to come and get you and bring you home, but you never did. We tried to talk several times but it was difficult for both of us because talking was so hard for you. We remained sisters and friends I know; I could hear it in the tone of your voice over the phone.

We had so many good times together—driving down that beach in Australia and singing whatever song that was over and over, trying to bring that big TV into the house in Yuma and dropping it, twice, and we overcame so much together sharing that tiny little room when we were in grade school.

Going through your things right now, all of that comes back to me. So many tears fall and sometimes I cannot stop them. When I think of you that final day—that horrible non-human man breaking you apart, and again you were alone. I hope you went somewhere in your mind and that God protected your heart as that violence tortured you and finally took you from us. I still can’t believe it. I just can’t believe it. I don’t want to believe it. I believe that you are with God, with our mom and daddy, with all of those who went before you. I believe they prepared for you to meet them, maybe they were even in your mind and heart at the end, surrounding you with their loving arms. Maybe Rebel was there licking your face and beating her tail. I hope it. I love you. I miss you.

Sally

 

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Tenets 23 March 2016

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In our study of real-life heroes, and because my students need more practice writing essays, we’ve done some brainstorming in our writer’s notebooks about the three tenets we would live by and what those tenets would look like in flesh and bone. I continue to be astounded by the thinking of my students. Here are some of the highlights:

Follow your faith: begin your day with prayer because God is always there to help. Let others be uplifted by what you have to say, share your favorite verse and talk about it.

Do your best: build the fence as straight as you can so you don’t have to go back and do it again, take the time to mix your goat and sheep food precisely IMG_0651so you do not waste it.

Have fun along the way: do the work you love to do and you will always have a smile on your face.

Live everyday like it’s your last: never let a great opportunity pass you by, if you wait to go visit your grandparents or play with your baby cousin, you might miss out.

Never give up: If you only do things when they’re easy, then you never learn and improve.

Never live a day without laughing: Find joy in what you do and in making people laugh.

Quilt display at Lakewood Cultural Center.

Quilt display at Lakewood Cultural Center.

Be yourself: find out who you are and be that person, if you just try to mimic other people you’ll never find out who you are. Find out what you love and forget what other people say.

Take chances: try something the first time because the opportunity may not come again.

Think before you do: think things through so you never end up in a situation you don’t want to be in, ask yourself if it will be beneficial to you-make sure your actions won’t bring consequences you will regret.

Love God: if you have Jesus Christ in your life, the rest of the pieces will fall together, God will never lead you wrong and will always listen, love you, and

Iowa Church by Barb

Iowa Church by Barb

never leave you.

Work hard: Give 100% all the time and even if you fail, you can say you gave it everything you had, if you can learn to work your butt off at everything you do then you can accomplish whatever you put your mind to.

Smile often: Be that bright and happy person that brings a smile to others, you can control how your life is going to go by putting on a smile and saying, “I got this!”, slap on a smile and take on the world!

Live with intelligence: to be successful you have to have smart practices, consider each option and consequences and use your brain to think through your best path.

View from an oil rig-Jamie Wilson

View from an oil rig-Jamie Wilson

Live with perseverance: those who give up never win, get back up when you are knocked down and try again

Live with kindness: the best way to make an impact with your life is to show kindness, one small act of kindness might have a huge impact and you won’t even know it, give and expect nothing in return and your life will be rich

Live humbly: living a simple life makes you appreciate, be thankful for all that you have and give more than you take, let others talk and listen genuinely,

Iowa barn-by Barb.

Iowa barn-by Barb.

appreciate talents and qualities in others

Live honestly: being true to yourself creates fulfillment, pursue a career you are passionate about, believe in yourself and what you represent, so stand up to peer pressure.

Live with purpose: set priorities and know your core beliefs and values, let each day be a new day to work toward your dreams, take joy in the experiences that life gives.

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Upon a Time 22 March 2016

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From a child’s perspective:

Once upon a time there was a little girl born with huge blue eyes and curly brown hair. She was the sixth to be born with a seventh on the way. Her mother and father loved each other beyond the mortal life, and when her mother died, shortly after her little sister was born, her father was quite lost. Alone and with seven children born out of love, her aunts and uncles stepped in to help as much as they could. Her older sisters and brothers did what they could, especially with the little ones.

As the little girl grew, she was smart and curious, but shy and quiet. She was very close to her little sister and they were always together. One day, her father married another woman and this woman had three children, so the family grew to ten children and her father adopted the three new children. The little girl continued to be close with her little sister and now with her new little brother. The three of them were always together.

But, the new wife did not like the little girl or her little sister and over time began to isolate and abuse them. She locked them in the basement and did not feed them. She locked them outside on cold winter days and did not feed them. She dug her long red nails into their scrawny arms and shook them. They were afraid of her and afraid to say anything. They huddled together in dark, cold places and tried to comfort each other.

One day, the little girl was taking her bath when the new wife grabbed her head and held it under water until she thought she would die. After that she avoided baths as best she could, trying to take them when she wasn’t at home alone with the new wife. The little girl began to live in the stories she read in books from the library—hiding in the top shelf of the linen closet with her book, a flashlight, and her notebook to write in. These worlds were so much safer and in them, everyone had enough to eat and plenty of love to share.

Her older sisters and brothers tried to help by folding her and her little sister into the hide-a-bed couch, but they were not always around. One time, she and her little sister snuck into the kitchen late at night to find some food when everyone was asleep, but the cupboards were locked tight.

As time went on, her daddy must have become aware of what was happening to his little girls formed in love and he divorced the new wife, but not before she took everything she could from the home, including the little wind up teddy bear that had been such a comfort to the little girl during the long hungry nights.

The little girl was so thankful for her kind aunt and uncle who took her in with her little sister during the summer when her daddy was getting rid of the new wife. This was a magical time for they loved the little girls, fed them, took them places and they had things to play with and still shared a room together.

When they came home, the new wife was gone, but so were their sisters and brother that their daddy had adopted. They were very sad that they were gone and they didn’t even get to say goodbye. They sent tapes to each other with their voices recorded and did their best to stay in touch.

A few years passed, and their daddy found another new wife, and she had three kids too, but they were older and there was no adoption. The little girl was growing up and she just could not understand how her daddy could pick another wife. The two little girls clung together as best they could, but the little girl had to go live in another house after a while and the little sister ran away.

I’d like to tell you that in the end they did live happily ever after, but that would not be true for both of them. The little girls did come together as adults and had some very happy times, but the little sister was very scared by all that they’d been through and it was a heavy burden for her to carry, and the little girl was too, but she managed to go on and live. Maybe there will be a happy ever after sometime when they meet again in a place where new wives are not needed because the first one is always the right one and she never dies.

The End.

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Teaching and Horses 18 March 2016

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It was a day yesterday, and I needed to reflect on my thoughts that teaching is a young horse in training.

You have to overcome the herd mentality by developing a strong relationship, and giving firm, kind direction in order to reach the goal with steady progress. Warming up before you ride is essential for both mental and physical readiness.

When a learning goal has been reached, or the day’s work is done, you can’t just turn the horse out; you put away the tack, brush the sweat off, check to make sure the hooves are clean, and cool down both muscles and mind, before the horse has grain, hay, and pasture DSCN0497for the night.

Never ride a horse at full speed toward the barn, as it will end up making them barn sour. Always provide enough variety in activity, to keep a horse’s mind and body working at the optimum. A horse’s day starts with a good meal, and plenty of water.

One of the most important and meaningful steps for training (both new and older horses) is that time between horse and handler for groundwork. The horse must be groomed, scratched, and learn to know your voice and touch. A soft, low, gentle voice, with a firm, respectful hand will bring a horse alongside a handler.

100_0763When you do begin to ride, balance is essential. When the handler is off-balance, the horse can be easily confused. A horse need clear, simple directions, both spoken and felt. Redirect a horse heading in the wrong direction to be successful. The handler must use patience and skill to teach a horse to cross the raging river they are so scared of with confidence.

One of the basic lessons is to teach a horse to pick up his feet, one at a time, by gaining their trust. The horse must first understand who you are, and that you are not going to hurt them, but to partner with them to learn about their world. No one can simply throw a saddle on a green horse and expect them to know what to do. You cannot begin with a ten-mile trek up a steep mountain.summer_06_460 (1)

You have to expect to fall off once in a while, it is part of the learning process. You just look back at what happened, and figure out what went wrong and work from there. You always have to get back on and try again! There will be resistance to new learning, when the young horse is not familiar with it. The task is to help them understand that they are safe, and help them gain the confidence in their ability to perform the new task.

Keep horses healthy. They cannot do the work of learning when they are wondering where their next meal will come from, or if they’ll find any clean water to drink, shelter from approaching storms, and protection from predators.

ange and cowboyTo begin, you have to connect with eye contact, and soft touch. There has to be a reachable goal, and you must look to where you are headed. Always start from the ground up. Every horse is different – raised in different pastures, different handlers who have different styles and perspectives about what creates a strong and desirable horse – you have to work with these differences in each individual. Each horse brings a different challenge, and you must build on the strengths and help them overcome the weaknesses.

 

 

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Wed 17 March 2016

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When a writer gets engaged and plans a wedding, there is writing. Lots of writing. Robert and I will be married on April 2nd;I’m sure I’ll write about it. We’ve decided on the details,  handed over the numbers for the supper, chosen the music to dance to, met and gotten to know our pastor and his wife, figured out what to wear, what to sing, what church to gather in, and of course, what dessert to have! And I write:

We never really dated-we just came together in every way that has meaning, and we’ve always been there for each other. When his arms wrap around me, pulling me close, I am reassured that I belong without condition, and my day is not complete until I hold him close and tell him that I love him.

We drive out to go to cowboy church and enjoy meeting friends for supper.IMG_0617

We are partners and companions, friends and lovers. I want to be kind and compassionate to him, listen and support him, love his family and have him love mine, have him hold onto me fiercely when I’m afraid or can’t go on, and let me hold him when he’s down or mad or just because I can’t help it.

We love to look at the sun rising or setting, watch the bulls in the pasture, the stars in the night sky, ride, shoot and drive antique tractors, and go for long drives just to see something new.

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I want him to grow old with me, to tell me his dreams and let me help him realize them, and to have him do the same with mine He knows that he can trust me with his heart and that I will always hold it dear, will nurture and respect it, shelter and revere it, loving him without holding back, like the Earth loves the sky through bright blue, fierce steel-gray, the complete dark of night and the first pink wash of dawn.

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Poetry Out Loud 16 March 2016

 

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Two amazing students went with me and one grandmother to Denver yesterday so they could compete Colorado’s state Poetry Out Loud competition. It was such an inspiring day and evening-to simply sit and enjoy poetry! Okay, some nerves were involved for the students, but nothing a little Cold Stone Creamery couldn’t ease. One of my favorite performances:

Very Large Moth By Craig Arnold

After D.H.L.

Your first thought when the light snaps on and the black wings
             clatter about the kitchen       is a bat
the clear part of  your mind considers rabies       the other part
             does not consider       knows only to startle
and cower away from the slap of  its wings       though it is soon
             clearly not a bat but a moth       and harmless
still you are shy of it       it clings to the hood of the stove
             not black but brown       its orange eyes sparkle
like televisions       its leg  joints are large enough to count
             how could you kill it       where would you hide the bodymoth-173624__180
a creature so solid must have room for a soul
            and if  this is so       why not in a creature
half  its size       or half its size again       and so on
             down to the ants       clearly it must be saved
caught in a shopping bag and rushed to the front door
             afraid to crush it       feeling the plastic rattle
loosened into the night air       it batters the porch light
             throwing fitful shadows around the landing
That was a really big moth       is all you can say to the doorman
             who has watched your whole performance with a smile
the half-compassion and half-horror we feel for the creatures
             we want not to hurt       and prefer not to touch
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Horsey 15 March 2016

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Feeling horsey today:

The compact bay mare’s eyes widened, nostrils flaring at the thin trickle of water crossing the trail. Gathering her well-muscled hindquarters, which should have been clue enough for the chatting rider, Lena leapt over the offending water, the force jerking her passenger’s head back and pitching her off to the side of the saddle.

Jen groped for the saddle horn. Hauling herself back to the center of the saddle, Jen reached down Lena’s thick black mane to find the reins she had let go. She patted the mare’s red-brown neck, “Sorry girl.” Turning to Beth who was riding behind her, “She always launches herself over these little bits of water, and yet she’ll walk right through a raging river!”

The mare whickered, a soft, deep hum from her throat, and walked on through the green, gray grove of Aspen. Jen and her cousin Beth had gone for a lunch ride. It was Beth’s last day on the ranch, and Jen so wanted her to love the beauty of it the way she did. But Beth had just said, “ I’d choose the ruggedness of Chicago over this back-of-beyond wilderness.”

Beth wore riding breeches with tall dark leather boots, and a new Gap sweater with a matching maroon ribbon holding back her curled black hair under the velvet helmet. Jen’s wild brown curls were everywhere but under her rabbit felt cowboy hat. Her red-checked flannel was long untucked from the tooled leather belt and Levi’s cinched around her slim waist. Jen’s chocolate brown lace-up Ropers were hanging loosely by her stirrups. Beth had been trained in the English style, and executed that discipline flawlessly. Jen was, though, by far the better rider, with a deep sense of how a horse moves and thinks enveloped in her bones.

They had come to the middle of the grove, where granite rock formations jutted straight up out of the earth. Jen pulled Lena up, flung her right leg over the saddle horn and hoppedsallys camra 392 (1) lightly to the ground. She flipped the near side stirrup up, loosened the mare’s cinch, slid her bridle off and watched as Lena began grazing, shearing off the green clumps of meadow grasses with precision. Beth removed her right foot from the stirrup; swinging her right leg over the back of the saddle and leaning her weight on it, she slipped her left foot out of the stirrup, kicked out slightly away from the horse and landed on the ground. Beth followed the same procedure as Jen, and allowed her sorrel gelding the same freedom.

Jen retrieved their lunches from Lena’s saddlebags, “Come on Beth, this little deer trail leads right to the creek. We can eat on the rocks, I’m starved.” Beth pursued, eager for lunch after the long ride. The tall dry grasses brushed Beth’s fingertips as she paced along the dusty path, brushing off her jodhpurs. They followed the smooth trunks, around the corner to the little rustling creek. Jen had plopped down on a flat rock by the clear water horsecamp2005 188 (1)and was busy getting their lunch out. Beth brushed off a rock, and lowered herself next to Jen.

Thick slices of the leftover brown sugar crusted ham they’d had for dinner last night, lay between the square pieces of whole wheat bread from the bread machine. The rich smell had both girls taking big juicy bites. There were barbeque chips, squashed from the ride, gala apples, cold water, and large chunks of chocolate chip fudge brownies, which were Jen’s favorite. Crunching sounds and satisfied sighs filled the silence of the afternoon. They both lay in the sun, soaking up the warmth for a time, “I could stay here forever.” Jen said in a dreamy voice. “ It is pretty. But you should come to Chicago sometime, we could go out to the teen clubs, or shopping in the malls.” Beth was already getting up and heading back to the gelding. “Are you ready, Jen?”

 

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Heroes 14 March 2016

 

Pixaby.com

Pixaby.com

We’ve been reading about heroes, starting with a basketball coach known for a philosophy called, ‘The Carolina Way.” It involved ‘playing hard, playing together, and playing smart.’ One piece that we read had to do with practicing a skill until it becomes second nature. I thought this story and this man would appeal to the many athletes that I teach, and it did.

There was great discussion about how practice works especially if you give it all you have. Of course, I slyly asked them what else they could apply this idea to and they had many ideas. I said, “How about in here? In this English classroom team Ms. G? What have we practiced so much this year that it has become a habit? A part of you?”

I know you remember my student, full of anger, whom I seated next to my student, full of IMG_0621love, in hopes that her love and joy would seep over into him. He pipes up, “Writing. We write every day and now we don’t even think about it. It’s just what we do in here.” My mouth opened and I said, “Eight million extra-credit points because you just made my life.” Everyone laughed. To me, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. Another girl spoke up, “At first, I hated it. I didn’t know what to write and I didn’t want to share. Now, you never give us enough time to write and I have so much to say. And we all share the most personal stuff in here.” I gave her eight million extra-credit points too.

We had a good list by the time class was over: writing, short constructed responses using textual evidence, “that grammar stuff”, and reading. We also decided that we need to work on constructing essays that embed textual evidence. We’ve written three academic essays so far, and after the last one, I know and so do they-we know that we still have some practice to go to make that one second nature. We’ll continue on our study of heroes  and see what other gems come up.

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Remembering 10 March 2016

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As it gets closer to the anniversary of my little sister’s death, I can’t help but to miss her all the more. I wrote this piece about the way we stuck together as little kids. She was always the strong one.

My earliest memories are held in the house on 105th Street in Omaha. We always shared a room, Cathy and me. The one down the hall on the left was not much bigger than a walk-in closet. Our bunk-beds lined one wall and the dresser was on the other. There must have been some kind of chair or something because I remember trying to keep some food stashed there so we had something to eat.

I don’t recall how our days started when Mrs. Body was there, only long hours closed into the basement or huddled together outside at the bottom of the “big hill” in that drainage pipe. I know we ran wild all along the crick which was surrounded by scratchy bushes, and

Cathy standing by a huge tree in Australia.

Cathy standing by a huge tree in Australia.

trees leading down to the forest. I remember being so hungry that I ate those bright orange flowers—some kind of lily.

One night, Cathy led us on a raid into the kitchen. Pitch black, we just wanted some cereal or bread—something. I know she took the lead because I was too timid to try to stand up for myself. We tried to be so quiet—any little sound and we both froze. Crawling along the hall, I followed her into the kitchen.

We had to stand to reach the black metal handles on the wood cupboards. She pulled the

first one but it made a metallic thud sound as she pulled. We stopped breathing, waiting for Mrs. Body to flip the lights on and catch us.

Moments passed—nothing.

But it didn’t matter now because we both knew we would not eat. The cupboards were locked.

I think she held my hand as we went soundlessly back to our room—stomachs empty, but no beating from having been caught either.

 

 

 

 

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