I miss her. The little sister I shared a bunk bed with, huddled in the cold to stay warm with, shared my fears and secrets with, and fought like cats and dogs with is not here anymore for me to call, to rely on, to argue with, or to share my children’s lives with.
I miss her. Her sarcasm could pull me right out of any “feeling sorry for myself” mood. Her compassion could overwhelm and bring me to tears. Her “adventures” with Alex could make me crazy. I can still hear her encouraging toddler Lynne to say “Hairpin” for airplane because she thought it was funny to see that little hand pointed skyward at the plane passing overhead.
I miss her. Lavender oils and unaligned chis. Dixie Chicks and R. Carlos Nakai. Malted milk ball eggs and organic soy milk. Mountain paths and sunny beaches.
We miss her. My sisters and brothers have stepped into those roles Cathy played in my life. We share the pain and grief of her loss, and we can smile now and laugh remembering life with our little sister.
Life does not always give us time to say, “I love you,” time to find joy in tomorrow, time to “get to that at some point,” time to—fill-in-the-blank. Say it now. Do it now. Be it now.