Point of View 20 February 2019

I’d love your comments on: Point of View…which of these two versions do you relate to more? Why?

Pixabay.com

Close third person so we hear Marlee’s inner voice:

When the congregation stood for the final blessing with their heads bowed, Marlee ducked out of the row and scooted up the aisle and out the door. Coward!I had to get out while the getting was good. Walking over to Frankie’s car, she leaned on the hood and cursed herself for agreeing to come. If she had a couple of days and some water, she would have just set off down the backroads and walked home.

Frankie, Heather, and Eli finally made their way out of church and over to Marlee. You’ve got to be kidding me. Yah, you aren’t catching any breaks today.

“Marlee, I’d like you to meet Pastor Alec.” Eli leveled a look that Marlee knew meant “you better be polite.”

“Just Alec. Marlee, nice to meet you.” He reached a hand toward her.

Taking it in hers and shaking briefly, Marlee said, “Nice to meet you too, Alec.”

Awkward silence.

“Pastor’s coming to lunch with us.” Again, the dad look was aimed at Marlee.

“Great. That’s great.” Marlee said this as she narrowed her own eyes back at her father.

Or:

First person so we still hear her voice but without needing that second inner voice so to speak.

When the congregation stood for the final blessing with their heads bowed, I ducked out of the row, scooted up the aisle and escaped out the door! Maybe I was a coward, but I had to get out of there before everyone started blocking the rows talking after the service.

I walked over to Frankie’s car and leaned on the hood, cursing myself for ever agreeing to come. If only I had some water and two days head start, I’d just walk home on the backroads.

When they finally came out of the church, I couldn’t believe it. No way is dad doing this to me.

“Marlee, I’d like you to meet Pastor Alec.” Eli leveled a look at me that I knew meant I better be polite.

“Just Alec. Marlee, nice to meet you.” He reached a hand toward me.

I shook it briefly. “Nice to meet you too, Alec.”

Awkward silence.

“Pastor’s coming to lunch with us.” Again, dad sent me the look.

“Great. That’s great.” I said and narrowed my eyes right back at him.

About Sally Gerard

I am a writer, runner, teacher, singer, guitar player, mom, lover, coffee drinker, hunter, antique tractor driver, horsewoman, sister, and lover of the outdoors. Did I mention that I love lighthouses?
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4 Responses to Point of View 20 February 2019

  1. First person, definitely

    Like

  2. First person, for sure. Close Third Person version was confusing for me. 🙂

    Like

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