Fear of Mayonnaise 14 June 2016


Note: due to my stomach-turning revulsion of the subject of this blog, all photos are designed to ease my retching reaction to writing down certain words.

I have an irrational fear of goobery slimy, grayish-white yuck, otherwise known as mayonnaise/miracle whip. I’m completely and utterly grossed out by them and go to great lengths to avoid any contact.

My husband is quite fond of a particular pasta salad, which of course has mayonnaise in it. When requested, of course I make it for him, but I have to hold my nose, sing loudly and otherwise distract myself when mixing the dressing or risk gagging. IMG_0889

I will not eat anything if I have even the slightest inkling that one ingredient might be that gluggy white stuff. I will be polite, saying ‘no thank you,’ but then, don’t push it. Polite will turn to rude in a big hurry. And really, why would ruin a perfectly good fruit salad by adding mayonnaise to it? What a terrible waste of poor innocent fruit!

IMG_0845You might wonder where this phobia comes from. I am fairly certain it was one of our many babysitter/housekeepers during the time when there were many of us siblings and no mother and a father who had to go to work. I refused to eat a sandwich she’d made because she’d spread mayonnaise/miracle whip (to me they are one and the same-gross and disgusting) on it. In order to teach me a lesson, she made a second sandwich, only this time the only thing in the middle was the slimy white blucky ooze. She forced me to eat it.

End of story.

About Sally Gerard

I am a writer, runner, teacher, singer, guitar player, mom, lover, coffee drinker, hunter, antique tractor driver, horsewoman, sister, and lover of the outdoors. Did I mention that I love lighthouses?
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