Big Yellow Doggie 11 August 2016

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My Grandpa Piskac gave me my Big Yellow Doggie and I loved that stuffed dog until his fur was matted and worn. He seemed gigantic to this bony little girl: my protector, my champion.

He listened to all my secrets with the most loyal heart, never turning his coat or embarrassing me. My Big Yellow Doggie was like an early pioneer, going with me on each adventure without complaint. He tucked me in at night, praying with me and whispering goodnight as I drifted into dreams.

He stayed on guard all night. Like a soldier he never faltered or slept until I awoke safe in the world again. I know if I could look through my old photo albums, I’d find pictures of him. I kept him through high school, college, and into adulthood!

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Skin 10 August 2016

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I slide easily from one of my skins to the next, like a snake having shed and slithered off, wrapped in the new cover until it’s time to change again.

Some of my skins are always there and are woven into each skin I wear. My mom skin is probably the strongest, like a Kevlar vest or mithril of the elves, it is always protective, compassionate and ready for action.

My horse skin slips on like well-worn jeans. Grooming, riding, feeding, or just walking in AllPics 1028the pasture covers me with a wild enthusiasm, like a horse kicking up his heels just because he can. This skin fits me like some famous Academy Award dress designer spent hours making it just for me.

My writer skin changes like spring bounding into winter. Words can sprout, grow and fill my empty fields or go dormant, sometimes die, from too much wind and cold. This layer runs deep, invading my dreams or gliding in a silent whisper alongside until I stop and notice and reach for a note-book.

IMG_1294Lately I’ve been struggling with parts of my skin, either itchy or loose, dry, tight and cracking, or trying to slough off while I desperately hang on, afraid my muscles and bones will be exposed.

Skin needs loving care to stay supple and stand as that protective layer, yet also exposure to drink in essential vitamins, age well and earn the lines of wisdom. When severe burns come, we must let go the cracked and peeling layers, or wait, letting the blisters do their healing work. When new, we have to tread lightly, easing into the skin a little at a time and with the proper SPF to shield until it can adjust and grow with us.

Don’t be afraid to shed the skins you no longer need, for they come to dust eventually and we must go on after a winter molt into the refreshing cool of a spring rain.

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Hope 9 August 2016

IMG_2369Hope is coming out of your bedroom on Christmas morning to see a pile of presents under the tree. Hope is walking around the corner of the barn to see if the horses are close. Hope is that feeling you get deep down inside when you meet someone and can’t stop thinking about them. Hope is a raging blizzard that whips up about 3AM on a school day and lasts past 5:30AM.

Hope is wheat sprouting in the field and seeing green stretching down all the rows. Hope is DSC00966a sunny morning that comes after a dark night. Hope is a herd of first calf heifers waiting to be preg checked. Hope is sending off a new novel manuscript to your publisher. Hope is sewn in each seed planted in the garden. The world needs more hope.

The world needs more blue hair and less static. The world needs more snow days and less meetings. The world needs IMG_0737more passion and less rigid boxes. The world needs more consideration and less closed doors. The world needs more poetry and less form.

The world needs more horses and less pavement. The world needs more time to be in awe of sunset, full moons, meteor showers and less rush to get things done. The world needs more “Of course I have time to come in and chat a bit” and less “I IMG_1263have to get going.” The world needs more think before you speak and less ‘open mount, insert foot.’

The world needs more get outside and less couch time. The world needs more find where you thrive and less hide in your dark hole. The world needs more guardian angels and less evil-doers. The needs more “You’ve got to make your own kind of music,” more, “Don’t go breakin’ my heart,” and a giant dose of “Good morning star shine!”

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Hiking Bierstadt 4 August 2016

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Camping at 11,000 feet was amazing. We enjoyed hot chocolate and the sharp scent of pine before we settled into our sleeping bags to rise at 3AM. On the advice of a nutritionist, we ate hard-boiled eggs, bread and jelly(okay, the jelly was our idea) and headed up to the trailhead at the top of Guanella Pass. Leaving the 95 degree days on the plains, it never occurred to me to bring anything long sleeved-luckily, Elaine and I had a role-reversal moment as she’d packed extras just like I used to do on pack trips. She also had a head lamp, because, it is pitch dark with no moon on a trail at 4AM.

I know we were hiking through willows, sometimes on dirt/mud and sometimes on

The Sawtooth

The Sawtooth

board walks, but all I could see were Elaine’s heels. I had to concentrate on them in order to see the next step or rock. It was quiet. We could tell there were a couple of people ahead of us because we could see their headlamps glowing higher up on the trail.

By pre-dawn, we’d come to the steepest part of the trail and had to take short stops to steady our breathing. The landscape around us began to come into focus and we could see the outline of The Sawtooth ridge we planned to scramble across from Bierstadt to Evans. I glanced up at it, but preferred to concentrate on the first task, the 14,000 plus feet of Mount Bierstadt.

IMG_1270When we came to the boulder field in the homestretch, three mountain goats were just above us ambling along and gazing down at us poor oxygen deprived bipeds. They didn’t gloat, just stood there shedding great sheets of fur and watching us. We clambered our way over and around rocks and boulders to finally reach the summit about 7:30. The whole world was spilled out before us as we sat and shivered in the 34 degrees and made ourselves eat our peanut butter sandwiches IMG_1277for energy.

Breathtaking, rugged beauty surrounded us and the few other people who’d ventured up so early. One couple was getting ready to “do The Sawtooth” over to Evans and we discussed strategy with them. However, looking down at what we had to do to get over to Evans, was intimidating to both  of us. The only way I’d be able to do it would be to follow Elaine and keep her boots only in my vision because I suffer from terrible vertigo  when vast fields of nothing come into my vision.

IMG_1278In the end, we decided together that going back down the trail we came up would be the safest decision and we’d still have eight miles under our belts and a fourteener to boot. The day was hard in the best possible way and full of the blessings that come from close friendship, and a Salted Nut Roll Fairy.

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Hiking 2 August 2016

IMG_1236I find God’s presence in the outdoors a balm to my sometimes bruised spirit. I can leave that box in His care and find respite in a strenuous trail with a good friend. And while I’m writing this before the fact, I know that as you read this, I am on that trail with Elaine going up Mt. Bierstadt and crossing over Sawtooth and onto Mt. Evans. I know that I am short of breath in this altitude, but I also know the view is breathtaking.

We don’t talk much going uphill, but we enjoyed our camp-out last night: played guitar IMG_1250and sang camp songs, and talked about our hopes and dreams for the school year, and giggled like a couple of little girls over some goofy thing we said. We had an early and groggy start to the day so that we could hit the trail by 3:30 or 4AM. Our senses relived so many horse pack trips in the mountains, and we both probably wondered why we weren’t on horseback now!

IMG_1255But today was the culmination of our summer hiking season and I know, no matter what happened, that we had a great day and will be talking about it through the winter, and that it will spark our ideas for next summer’s hiking dreams. It will be a long, hard day, but when we come down off the mountain, as we all must, we will be renewed for the school season to come. In those difficult moments that all teachers face, we will be able to look back at the many trails we conquered and remind ourselves that if we could do that, we can certainly handle whatever situation comes before us. And just maybe, we’ll remember to stop, look, and appreciate those beautiful moments of grace.

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The Box 1 August 2016

IMG_1258A box arrived from FedEx last Thursday evening. I knew it was coming because the sender sent me a text to let me know. I brought it inside, but haven’t touched it since. It contains more of my sister, Cathy’s, life. It lay hidden under some shelf where she’d put it to protect it from weather. And he found it, when he was cleaning up some other things. I haven’t told anyone that I’d even heard from him, except for Robert. I couldn’t get the words out.

I thought I was done being overwhelmed with missing her. If I could hire a firm to erase bits of my memory, I’d have them erase the moment I took the phone call from the detective telling me that my sister had been murdered. I’d have them erase the pain and anguish in my heart every time I think about how she was tortured and helpless, disabled and alone. I’d have them erase the image of the evil brute who attacked her and which seems to be forever etched on my brain. I’d have them erase the hole in my soul that opens just a crack more every time I bring up that last email she sent me, hitting reply as if I could.

She is buried now, next to our mother, and at rest I hope. She is free from what bound her here. She was a free spirit with a generous heart, even if she didn’t get along with everyone. She fought tooth and nail for what she believed in and for those she loved. We all miss her still.

I will find the courage to open that box. I know it contains precious pictures and other things she treasured. But it may need to wait a while for my heart to calm and my breath to stop catching every time I walk by it.

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The Salted Nut Roll Fairy 29 July 2016

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For the second summer in-a-row, my friend Elaine and I have started the summer with a hiking goal  in mind. It’s pretty simple: get together one day a week and hike, with an ultimate hike at summer’s end before school begins again. Neither of us can believe we are already there, but our culminating hike is next week.

When we hiked Mt. Meeker at the end of last summer, we celebrated with Salted Nut Rolls. Part way through this summer’s hikes, I IMG_1248dubbed our provider “the Salted Nut Roll fairy,” and she has been very faithful to us. Not only do we get a good shot of protein, but some carbs and sugar for energy and endurance. Plus, they taste good.

We’ve done progressively more difficult hikes to prepare for Mt. Bierstadt and Mt. Evans next week. So this week, we headed up to Chasm Lake on the IMG_1244Long’s Peak Trail. We’ve hiked this trail before, a few years ago when we climbed Long’s Peak. Most of the first four miles we’d hiked in the dark, so we rediscovered the beauty of this trail as we headed off around IMG_12576:30AM.

Waterfalls and log bridges, so many wild flowers to delight and ooze joy, blue skies, pungent pines, sheer rock faces, wetlands, tundra, marmots, two high mountain privies with unbelievable views, and the best hiking partner a IMG_1256friend could have.

I told Elaine as we rounded a corner into a stand of columbine that took my breath away that God did not skimp in the creative juices department when He stopped on this trail to breathe.

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Sticky Notes 27 July 2016

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I wish to ponder the nature of sticky notes. Back in the caveman days, you had to have a good-sized rock and then another rock to be able to pound your message out:

Don’t forget mammoth herd coming through after sunrise!

Then we progressed to pounding paper from trees and scratching out our message or list with ink made from plants. We took nails, tacks or glue to adhere the paper where we IMG_1229would see it:

Don’t forget to twist hay into sticks to burn in stove.

Finally, some genius figured out how to put stickiness on little papers and stack them all up into a pile for easy use. For a long time, they were only yellow and 3×3. Now, they come in all colors and sizes; lined, unlined, or graph paper style. I walk into an office IMG_1232supply store and stand there, stunned, by all the choices and possibilities. Who would ever have imagined it?! In homage to sticky notes, my list poem:

Lists!

Lists, lists, lists- How many lists can one person have?

 

Lists for class:IMG_1231

Commentary

Multi-topic

Second nature

Drills at school

Bring your laptop

Popcorn and fruit

Look up Rooney, philosophy of a conference.

Lists for the stable:IMG_1230

Your watch

That hat

Boots and gloves

Lots of Pepsi

A new pack of gum, Orbit please

Oreo’s bridle

That special horse-skin-loving mohair cinch for Smokey’s tender hide.

Lists for home:IMG_1222

Food

Alex says, “There’s nothing to eat, mom.”

I say, “I have class, homework, lists…”

Pick up more Jolly Time white kernel popping corn, eggs, that squash soup you planned to have last night, but it was gone, no time to stop anyway.

Lists, lists, lists- lists of conferences, poetry to send, a message for Jared about his stupid Alien Ware computer (aka, the lemon), that water pump that needs replaced, the oil that should have been changed, call Dion, call Peg, don’t forget dinner at Elaine’s…

Maybe I need a list of my lists, so I don’t forget which list is where and who needs what and when:

  • maybe
  • maybe not

 

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Yuletide 26 July 2016

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Christmas is my favorite holiday and time-of-year. I love the whole season. I love the music and that it plays everywhere you go. I love the spirit whereby an actual change seems to come over people and they are much friendlier and more cheerful.

I love the anticipation during advent and the scripture. I love having time with family to relax, have some fun, and eat great food (Did I mention that already?!). I love Christmas lights and the way they make everything sparkle and they warm up the coldest nights.

Pine Angel!

Pine Angel!

 

I love Christmas cookies and remembering, as I bake and eat them. I love the Christmas tree and way it points to Christ. I love the way the tree holds the ornaments collected over many lifetimes and the silver tinsel all shiny in the

colored lights.

I love Christmas Eve and candlelight services, singing Silent Night in communion with others. I love to watch the Grinch cartoon and the way Little Cindy Lou Who rejoices even when everything’s been taken. And most of all, I love the joy of Christmas morning and celebrating the birth of Christ the Lord.

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Christmas in July 25 July 2016

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A tradition I always loved at camp was celebrating Christmas in July. I have no idea why, but it was something we did and we had a tree, sang carols and even had little presents for the campers.

I don’t remember how I found out there was no Santa Claus. I remember believing, but I can’t recall any traumatic dashing of my belief. I do believe in all things Christmas.

I believe in that joy of a new birth, the tiny baby born to love and to teach all of us how to love. I believe in giving, in sacrificing for others, in bringing joy and hope to others. I believe in good will, in treating others with kindness and respect. I believe in happiness, in the warmth of twinkling lights, the rich scent of pine, the sparkle of tinsel and the shine of glass ornaments.

I believe that a humble beginning, being born alongside the warmth of animals in a stable, Thanksgiving break 2006can rise to become the greatest among us. I believe, therefore, in the spirit of who and what Santa Claus stands for. I believe in family, and what better time to gather together than Christmas? It is communion with laughter, memories, catching up, playing, and eating the most delicious foods-some of which are only seen at this one time of the year.

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