A Smack Upside the Head 17 October 2016

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Sometimes it takes a smack upside the head to remember that students come from homes. Some of the homes are not so easy to come from. Some of the homes are poor but loving. Some of the homes are well-off but full of apathy. Some of the homes are violent. Some of the homes are fraught with anxiety, hunger, hurt, and the constant edge of ‘not enough.’

I have to remind myself, more times than I should have to, that school should be a safe place. School should be a place where you can get something to eat. School should be a place where the world of possibility opens up to you. School should be a place where you can build yourself up. School should be a place where an adult will listen, carving out a time and place for you to talk.

All of this doesn’t mean it’s easy. It isn’t. It is the hardest work I’ve ever done, and I don’t

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even have horses to help me! I serve on a committee at the high school and our purpose is to keep students from falling through the cracks. We rack our brains to come up with ways to help and support these students who are not succeeding. I believe in what we’re doing. I just wish we could come up with something amazing that would stem the flow before we have to lose some of these kids to their own inner “I give up.”

One such student came to me and asked, “What can I do to get my grade to passing?” The simple answer was,”Just do the work. Write. Turn in that first poetry project from five weeks ago.” I had the assignment on my desk at the end of the day, and it smacked me upside the head:

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Pixabay.com

“If you’re not from a poor family, you don’t know the hard times-not being able to afford nice things, having to work more than two jobs, having to come home with little food, not enough money for rent. Poor family. The hard times.

If you’re not from a poor family, you don’t know no new clothes-having to wear clothes from 6th grade, clothes that are too small and ripped, shoes with all the side ripped so water wets your socks, socks with holes so feet freeze in the cold. Poor family. No new clothes.

If you’re not from a poor family, you don’t know bad home-stained carpet and couches, broken cabinets, broken door and windows, bugs, mold, the stench that makes your stomach hurt. No clean water to drink or shower with. Poor family. Bad home. ”

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Pixabay.com

 

It takes you down to your knees in prayer.

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True 12 October 2016

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True: ‘in accordance with fact or reality; accurate or exact; bring (an object, wheel, or other construction) into the exact shape, alignment, or position required; loyal or faithful; steadfast.’ (Webster)

The Greek word for “truth” is aletheia, which literally means to “un-hide” or “hiding nothing.” It conveys the thought that truth is always there, always open and available for all to see, with nothing being hidden or obscured. The Hebrew word for “truth” is emeth, which means “firmness,” “constancy” and “duration.” Such a definition implies an everlasting substance and something that can be relied upon. (got questions.org)

Truth is there in vulnerability. Truth is not so common because it is a difficult thing to

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‘hide nothing.’ How is writing true? I’m not exactly sure, but I think it has to do with a couple different elements:

Write straightforwardly, without pretense. Write from who you are. Write exactly to bring setting and characters into alignment. Write with faithfulness. Write steadfastly. Write exactly without so much need for adjectives and adverbs.

Be loyal to the story. Be firm with your characters. Find your true voice and don’t shy away from it. Stop making excuses. Writing is work. Writing can be true. Write with conviction. Write without hiding from reality. Write without sensationalizing. But in the end, write.

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Dawn 11 October 2016

The Birth of Dayimg_0887

It was barely dawn;

a narrow band of crimson stretched across the eastern horizon.

The reflective silence in the pristine morning,

when even the Chickadee slumbers, and I knew you were there.

The glacial brilliance of a brimming moon shone in a frigid, frostbitten dark.

Steam rolling across rooftops, pooling the warmth of sleeping hearths

in an offering to the brisk delivery of day.

Sluggish shapes converging to complete a daily ritual,

awaiting the yellow buggy, which will carry them to school.

I beheld the whole scene, through the kitchen porthole,

with the ease of slippers and a steaming mug.

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Holmes 10 October 2016

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Sir Arthur Conan Doyle wrote sixty novels about Sherlock Holmes, and the first one, A Study in Scarlett, he wrote in just three weeks! And, he was running a medical surgery in Portsmouth. And I think I’m busy.

His mother made up fantastic stories when he was little and he was captivated by them. He also spent his third year in medical school as a ship’s surgeon on a whaling ship and apparently loved the adventure. He gave up medicine later to write full-time and isn’t that the dream of all writers?

The irony of Doyle’s death comes because he chose to ignore his doctor! Recently I’ve had several requests for my two novels, which is great! The requests came with queries about

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when my third novel would be out. It sits here on my desk, next to grading and my class textbooks and homework. Oh, the glamorous life of a writer,  I write everyday, but not the work on my novel.

NaNoWriMo approaches…but so does the deadline for my final lyrical essay. Can someone please add another four hours to the day?

 

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Barns 6 October 2016

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photo: Mike & Barb

We have an ongoing tally when we travel of the number of red barns to white barns. Our recent trip to Michigan, through the Upper Peninsula and south on the west side of Lake Michigan was no different.

I knew that on the way out, I’d be losing to white barns because Iowa is full of white barns, almost 3 to 1 on the interstate. So, coming into Michigan I was behind. But, coming through Michigan

Photo: Susan & Chris

Photo: Susan & Chris

and into the UP, things began to swing to the red barns.

Down through Wisconsin, Minnesota, South Dakota and the Sandhills of Nebraska, I caught up to where we are almost even. I am a firm believer that barns should be red. I’m not sure what happened in Iowa to make so many of them white.

If anyone knows anything about the history of barn painting, I’d love to hear your theory.

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Gone Garden 5 October 2016

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I planted our garden way back in May. First, deer or antelope came through and ate my corn plants. Then, while my plants grew well and flowered, they refused to produce any zucchini, squash, watermelon, cucumber, or tomatoes. They had warm and then hot days and plenty of water.

The fruit trees flourished bearing peaches, choke cherries, plums, cherries, mulberries, crab apples, pears, and plums. The zucchini, squash, watermelon, cucumber,

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and tomatoes continued to grow, so green and lovely. Mid-way through August, my produce count was: three cucumbers, one zucchini, and the promise of five small watermelons and two small spaghetti squash. If I looked really close, I could see the start of two tomatoes.

All through September, the two squash began to turn yellow, there was one more zucchini, and we ate three of the five small watermelons. Normally, I have

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Pixabay.com

zucchini coming out my ears and I’m busy chopping or shredding to freeze for breads and sautéing.

I do not know, for the life of me, why. At the end of September, all of a sudden, both the zucchini and the squash began to produce like crazy, the tomatoes too. Yesterday, I went out and brought in everything I thought we could eat. It’s supposed to freeze this week. My garden took too long to figure this out. I pulled the plants this morning.

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Grace 4 October 2016

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As a teacher, it is rare to get anything but negative feedback from students:

That’s due now? You want us to write? I don’t get it. Too hard, too long, too much. Can’t we just have this period off? Do I have to read that? Romeo and who? What’s with all these thou’s? I hate poetry. I hate reading. I hate writing. Do you give extra credit?

You have to learn to read between the lines. Right.

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Part of my practice is daily writing and sharing of that daily writing. I model myself so I get put ‘on the spot’ every day just like my students. This team of freshmen I have are particularly adamant that they can’t write and they don’t want to share. I keep at it because I know eventually, they’ll see their own light.

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My creative writing students have all had me, for the most part, when they were freshmen. And they were grumbly at this process for the first few weeks back then too. Now, I have to wrench them out of the silent writing time. When they shared yesterday, I was completely taken aback by one student who shared about her reluctance to write in my freshmen class. She went on to say that she’d learned so much about writing from me and that has brought her writing game to all her course work. But more, that she loves to write and she loves the space in my creative writing class to be able to write.

I could teach a hundred years on that two minutes of sharing.

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Fall 3 October 2016

img_1491The winds are ushering in fall and I am past ready. Our temperatures have been near 90 degrees for too long. I heard the magic word, snow, on the weather last night and danced a little jig. I love snow. I love fall. I love winter. I don’t love hot.

We managed to sneak in an engine show trip yesterday, on a simply gorgeous day in Nebraska. Our 5HP Galloway made the trip with us and started right up, even though the early morning was chill. The day was fun as we reconnected with our ‘engine buddies’ at the farm of our friends in Ceresco, Nebraska. It’s easy img_1490going: strolling along the lane to ooh and aah over everyone’s engines, a little polka music on accordion and tuba before a meat-filled lunch complete with a cake decorated for Big Red Football.

I managed a long walk down the hilly dirt road past trees and fields of corn and img_0428soybeans. It’s a great place to walk and pray. I even got in some homework in the quiet dining room as the bustle of clean-up went on next door in the kitchen. Engine folks are a lot like antique tractor folks: kind, friendly, never-met-a-stranger, and willing to help with whatever difficulties arise.

 

We stayed later than we planned, but it was worth a late night arrival home. Now the engines are tucked away in our home for the winter to come.

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Bits and Pieces 29 September 2016

I promised some of my student memoirs. Here are some bits and pieces:

Playing Tag in the Dark:

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We were shrieking and chuckling which caused my mom to come yell at us for being too loud. We told my mom, “We’ll be quiet.” We just told her what she wanted to hear so we could continue the game. After a while, she wanted us to settle down before we went to bed. We decided to play Monopoly, but it was on the top shelf so we got out a footstool to grab it. We were in haste to play, so we left the footstool out. 

Words:

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Pixabay.com

Now that my great-grandma has passed, I feel ashamed I didn’t spend more time with her than I did. I chose not to spend much time with her after this incident. I no longer had the respect that I had before for her. Also, I was afraid she would say something else to hurt me and my aunt wouldn’t be there to protect me. I, still to this day, wish my great-grandma had never said this to me because it truly turned every connection we ever had. 

Microsoft Word:

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Pixabay.com

I craved the process of writing, the heavy scent of coffee in the air and the multitude of notebooks scattered around, pens and papers beside the clutter with an open laptop in front of tired, but determined eyes. 

Just this scene to write before the inspiration’s gone and then I’ll go to sleep. 

My mother was intrigued, asking questions and encouraging. She complimented my writing and was happy I was doing it for myself. My father didn’t even try to feign interest and that’s perhaps part of what hurt most from his lack of interest. 

So when lunch was over, I deleted the document and went into my room. 

A Wee lad:

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Pixabay.com

When I was a Wee Lad and really trying hard to look back at positives, I can’t recall much at all. 

I slowly and carefully took apart the box to begin the building of this new train set. This HO scale train is what I really looked forward to going home and being my own little adventures: where cars were stuck on the track ultimately ending in a rather  tragic demise, or customizing the train to haul my hot wheels to different races and events competing in challenges against better or lessor opponents. Often times I thought of laying miniature railroad track across America and me shrinking down to operate the engine. The track would just appear and people would be baffled by the sight of a little train running down the road out of nowhere. 

Tractor Drive:

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Pixabay.com

My eyes filtered out all the non-John Deeres. There were a couple of As, a couple of 730s-propane too!, and 80 and an R. I heard the powerful sound of two cylinders popping. I liked hearing the pops of the Deeres dominate all others except that high RPM noisy Z! 

At lunch, people sat in groups that fit them. They were all very nice people. Some got up to talk to us and they were very polite. The sun put a glow over the prairie, a site I’m familiar with, but this time it was different, almost like it was more golden. 

Four Wheel Fishing:

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Pixabay.com

The first part of the ride is almost disappointingly easy and I easily navigate my four-wheeler over the trail. Rocks are few and mostly do not require climbing over with the four-wheeler. My favorite is riding through the shallow streams across the trail. The water is so very clear and perfect and I can see all the little rocks in the bottom until one of us plows through, stirring up the calm. The trees around us are green, full and thick. 

My dad and I love to fish together. The Louis Lake trip if usually our special fishing trip and we do lots of fly fishing up here. 

 

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Memoir 28 September 2016

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My creative writing students turned in their final memoir pieces after we shared them out loud with each other while enjoying some brownies and cookies in a writer’s celebration. They absolutely blew me away with their writing, and their ability to write so deeply. I wasn’t going to share mine, but in the end, I did.

I had written alongside them, and used my own piece to model revision for them. I was not at all prepared for how I would feel when I read my piece out loud to them.

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Pixabay.com

Nor was I prepared for their reaction. They listened intently as I blustered my way through this reading. When I finished, every one of them thanked me for sharing something so difficult. These moments of grace in the classroom are a blessing. I’ll share some of what they wrote in another post.  Here is the beginning of what I wrote, dragged unwillingly from my heart:

My phone rang.

“Is this Sally?”

“Yes.”

“This is detective…”

“I’m sorry, who is this?” Rising from the table, I walked out the door of the restaurant, “I can’t hear you very well.”

“…your sister, Cathy.”

“Look, whatever you want, my sister can’t pay, so just stop sending her credit cards.”

“No Ma’am. I’m a detective and I’m calling from Beaumont. Your sister…”

My heart had sunk into my chest and it seemed to be dragging me down to the curb. The hard metal of the street sign dug into my palm where I gripped it as I slunk to sit on the cold cement. His words fogged my brain, and as he repeated them I yelled, “Who is this? Why are you telling me this? This isn’t funny. Put Cathy on the phone.”

“Ma’am your sister is dead. She was murdered yesterday afternoon. The only number we could find was your son’s. He gave me your number.”

Morgue. But morgues are for TV cop shows where they take bodies found in rivers or back alleys. Not my sister. They pull sheets back from their faces so someone can say, “Yes, that’s her. That’s my sister.” Not Cathy. She’s living near the ocean which she loves. She’s warm there and can wear shorts all year and feel the healing sun on her broken body and wounded spirit.

I pulled myself up and walked back to the window, staring in and willing my brother to look over. He saw my hand plastered to the window, shifted his head sideways in question, got to his feet saying something to the people at the table and walked outside to meet me.

I couldn’t speak, but clung to him there on the street. My head hurt. My eyes were dry, blocking the backed up tears behind a wall I don’t remember building.”

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