Sally Gerard

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Where do we find those that we’ve lost? We celebrate lives both well-lived and maybe not so well-lived, but we celebrate those lives because we loved them. We miss them terribly and we feel lost because they are no longer there.

We can’t meet them for coffee or send them a text or find them on the other end of a phone call. We can’t touch base through email or run into them by chance when we’re out and about somewhere.

Sometimes they are ready to go and sometimes they are torn from us before their time. It all comes back around to our choices. Did we grab that one moment and say, “Yes, I’ll leave now and meet you,” or take the time to call or to write to them? Or did we decide that we’re just too busy? This needs to be done or that needs to be done. And soon enough, we’re at the church, attending a service, and wondering why we let all that time go by.

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And yet, I was comforted this week, at the service of someone I held dear by the words on the little remembrance:

“Indian Prayer…Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there; I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow; I am the diamond’s glint on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grains. I am the gentle autumn’s rain, when you awaken in the morning’s hush. I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight. I am the soft star that shines at night. Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there; I did not die.”

Photo by: S. Bidinger

What are your routines? What kinds of actions do you take that make it possible for you to do what you need to do? Do you have routines that are dragging you down? That you need to change? That you need to revamp?

I have several routines. One of my better ones is my morning during the week. Though there are days when I don’t really want to move from the comfort of my night, I do love to run early in the morning because it sets my day up right. When I don’t run, I can feel that I’m off all day long. Why is this routine important? Because it gets me moving, thinking, praying, and noticing. 

When I’m working, my routine can vary some. I move from writing to grading, to course tasks, to reports, to my own courses where I’m a student and back and around again. This includes emails and communication with students, mentors, and my boss. One routine that has helped me greatly is putting together a weekly calendar so I know what else is coming up each day. It makes me feel good when I put the green highlight through something I’ve finished.

It’s a start, my routines. But I like to think I’m open to new ways and new ideas and new adventures too.

Farmers have to be some of the most hopeful folks ever to exist. Bury all your financial planning for a year in the ground in various different seed varieties. If you are a dry land farmer, wait for rain to bring the seeds to sprout and reach above the ground. Now, wait some more for rain, snows in winter, and protection from cold, wind, bugs and blight.

Your plants are maturing and looking very good, best ever in fact. Oh, but wait, prices have dropped for your crop, but fear not, expenses have gone way up to make up for those low prices.

Harvest is just days away when the hail comes, more than once. And the hot wind blows a lot, and gusts into the thirties, and that best ever yield is dwindling away to, well, not enough. Do the farmers throw up their hands and cry to God? They might, but not in front of anybody. No, they take it in the shorts, buy next year’s seed and start all over again.

And it is a good life, the best life, and when they are in a hurry to get where they’re going and get some work done, but you are broke down on the side of the road, your old truck vaper locked, they stop and see if you need help, or a bottle of water, or a ride somewhere, or, should they call their wife, husband, son, daughter, cousin, or neighbor to come get you?

That’s a farmer. Good to the bone, even if some bad language occasionally leaks out.

Aren’t our stories about belonging? Whether we are living our story or writing a story, deep down we need to belong somewhere.

I seek my belonging in many places:

In the mist of early mornings after a night of rain, in the blowing snows whipping me around in winter, in the crisp crunchy leaf smell of fall. On trails of wide dirt and rocky steps near the rumble of water or through the trickle still flowing across the path. Up to high points where the forests and mountains go on into forever and deep in the thick growth of trees cool in the heat of the day.

With friends who know me and those I’m still getting to know, with horses most especially who share their wild spirits and warm acceptance, with family both by birth and by proxy, with fellow believers in love and in peace and in the belief that we are all worthy.

I believe that God puts people, places, and situations on our path so that we will find the belonging we seek so hard and need in our lives, for we were not meant to be alone. Those are blessings should we choose to recognize them and rejoice, and, ignore the loud voices around and inside us that continue to tell us we don’t or can’t belong.

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What is it that makes us fear something new? The old saying, “When one door closes, another one opens,” can strike a panic inside. The old door was just fine, thank you. What if the new door gets stuck or we can’t get through? The old door fit comfortably, and we built a life around the way it let us in, even if we had to push sometimes to get it to open.

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This new door might not work as well in our life, might not accommodate our schedule, might not allow for the little freedoms we started taking for granted. In fact, this new door could wrench our arm off when we open it, or it might cause us to have to do something differently, or it might make us use muscles we’ve never had to strain before.

Everything ends up making us grow, if we just give it a chance.

“Looking for a soft place to fall…” by Allison Moorer tells the story of wanting to be where you are loved and feel secure. And don’t we all want that? It is easier to be our best selves when we know we are loved. We can try and fail because we are not alone, we are encouraged to reach, stretch, grow and to fly as high and as far as we can. That “soft place to fall” will be there when we need it.

What is holding you back? Name it and bind it so you can move past fear and into action that will open doors for you. Share your wildest dreams and desires with those who love you and let them nudge you past your doubts. Whatever you do, don’t settle into complacency. One tiny step in any direction is the beginning of a path that can take you to places you dream about being. Find someone who believes in you and believe in them too. As Robert and I did, promise to encourage and inspire, and be the shelter someone needs to be the best person they can be.